Yep, that happened. I know I posted on facebook that she was a hot cop but that was a lie.
I'm sitting here in the Tobacco Bowl, a smoke bar in Iowa City enjoying a well-earned cigar after a rough start to my journey. Like Apollo 13, I consider my journey yesterday to be a successful failure. It was a failure in that I did not make it to Iowa City. I was on the road for over 15 hours and only made it as far as Waterloo, Iowa, a town roughly 60 miles from my destination. I tried to make it all the way, but after a certain hour people just don't like picking up hitchhikers.
My journey to Waterloo put me in the passenger seet of 12 vehicles, the drivers of which (personal problems aside) were some of the kindest and most hospitable people I've encountered in my life. Here are their stories:
First there was Ken. I began walking from my grandma's house in Coon Rapids, Minnesota to state highway 610, a road I hoped to take to the interstate highway. It was suppose to be a 40 minute walk to 610, but after only 30 minutes Ken stopped to let me know that I was doing this whole hithhiking thing totally fucking wrong (I'm paraphrasing). I was on a course that would've taken me right into Minneapolis, a fact, Ken notes, that would make it damn near impossible to find a ride without running into problems with the police. He gave me a ride to the outskirts of the city, gave me a few pointers on staying safe on the road, and then disappeared back into his own life.
I waited over an hour for my next ride. A woman pulled up after about a half hour to hand me a bag of McDonald's with food and a bible passage inside (I fucking love Christians). Remarkably, the bag conained what I would've ordered at Micky D's if I had picked it up myself: a small fries with a McChicken Sandwhich (fuck yeah!). Eventually Jon picked me up and took me to I-35, the highway I would later take into Iowa.
Next came Jesus. Yes, Jesus. He was from Mexico City, which gave me the opportunidad to practicar my espanol un poco. Incredibly nice guy, but unfortunately he left me in the WORST place to pick up another ride. The entrance ramp to I-35 where he left me was right off of another highway, meaning that cars zoomed by at 60 miles an hour and therefore never got the chance to get a good look at me. I waited there for an hour and a half, during which two cars did stop for me but unfortunately were going in the wrong direction. One of the drivers that stopped tried to give me some money, but I refused. Shortly after that Justina the mildly attractive cop pulled up and that's where I got a good friskin.
Justina was nice. She asked the standard questions: are you homeless, what the fuck are you doing out here, etc., then took me one town down the road. I'm grateful for that because I was NOT going to get a good ride where I was at. Within 20 minutes at the new location I was picked up by Dale who took me 30 miles down I-35.
Nothing much to say about Dale. He was the only guy to pick me up that listned to NPR, which sparked a conversation about the RNC.
Next came Eric, a college student headed to Ames Iowa. He was awkward as fuck, but a good kid, despite claiming to "know more than most men" about the "emotions of women" (he really didn't). He took me the farthest down the road than other driver and it was incredibly exciting to finally make it away from the Minneapolis area and into Iowa (woot!). He offered to drive me all the way to Iowa City for 20 bucks, which in retrospect I should've taken him up on. It was about 4 pm by this point and I had no idea that I'd be on the road for eight more hours and enter six more vehicles before failing to make it my destination... Regardless, entering Iowa, talking college shit, and making it much farther down the road really boosted my spirits!
By this point I was in rural Iowa, a perfect place for hitchhikers! I picked up a quick ride from a woman who I'll refer to as sad woman because I can't remember her name. Her story mirrored those of many Americans: factory closed down, leaving her unemployed, health problems that she couldn't pay for, and a love for her family, all of whome lived in the small town where she was born and raised. Despite her sad story, she was incredibly nice, offering me food, telling me to buckle my seatbelt, and taking me as far down the road as she could.
Ten miles later I was picked up by Troy who had a similar story. He worked in a mineral quarry making shit pay. He had a wife who worked two jobs and two prepubesent children. Between the long hours they both worked and taking care of the kids he didn't have much time to spend wit h his wife. He appeared genuinely distressed that he couldn't spend more time with her.
Troy took me about 30 miles down the road to an Iowa town called Nashau. Within minutes I was picked up by Roger, whose life can only be described as a series of unfortunate events. He didn't say it but it was clear he was a recovering alcoholic. He was divorced, his children don't speak with him anymore, and he's had trouble with his job and with the law. Despite this, he had a smile on his face and some interesting stories. The only other time he picked up a hitchhiker was years ago and the hitcher tried to rob him. He pulled a gun on the robber and kicked him out of his moving vehicle (a decision I fullheartedly support). I didn't feel threatened in the slightest by him. For one, we had been talking for a while and developed a friendly rapport. Also he had his gun taken away for some shit he did years ago and wasn't allowed to carry anymore. Roger fed me a subway sandwich, and dropped me off about 20 miles from Waterloo, IA in the WORST place to catch a ride.
The highway had changed from a ramp-highway to simply a high-speed highway with side roads. The sun had set by this point, so I was stuck in the dark with cars zooming by at 70 miles an hour. This was discouraging.
Civilization exisited about five miles down the road so I began to walk. I put my iPod backlight on brightest and "always on" and waved it around franticly while walking down the road. Fourty minutes later Reggie picked me up and took me to the nearest town. Before I got out of the car he blessed me and I continued on as a blessed man. Little did he know I was already an ordained revered from the online Universal Life Church! All my Christian drivers couldn't help by tell me their views on helping humans in need, which I'm grateful for.
Shortly after, Tom picked me up and took me to the highway I needed to go to. I was on track, but it was about 9:30 and there were fewer cars on the road. I waited for three hours on a quiet entrance ramp for a ride to take me to Iowa City. A couple cars stopped but were going in the wrong direction.
By about 12:30 Brandon, a black man from Chicago, picked me up and took me to Waterloo. I have to say, although I'm grateful for the rides and the food given to me by Christians who talked about their views on helping humans, I always detected a hint of "buying their way into heaven" in their talk. Brandon, however, did not give off this vibe in the slightest. He helped me tremendously, going out of his way to take me to the road I needed to get to.
Now I was in Waterloo, IA. I waited for an hour without a single car stopping. Eventually I gave up and got a motel room for the night (the shame!). I considered doing what many of the hitchers I talked to recommend I do and take my sleeping back to crash in a secluded place by the side of the road, but for my parents sake I decided to hit up the motel. The bitch of it is that I didn't transfer enough funds to my checking account, meaning that I had to use my parents credit card to get the room. That did not make me feel good, but I know it's what they would have wanted.
Next day I got a ride within 5 minutes and made it all the way to Iowa City. Boo ya.
This computer's about to die, so I won't get into all the thoughts and emotions that went into a day like yesterday. It was a rough start, but it's definitely been a thrill so far!
Coffee and water time. Signin out.
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